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And the hell opened up its gates for me

It was my moms birthday, Valentines day, 14.02.2020

I called her for some birthday wishes, but before I was able to say a word, she said:
He passed away :-(

I wouldn't believe it and she forwarded me the mail she got.

Dear Mrs. ...,

Mr. XXX XXX sadly passed away in XXX in Switzerland.

Many greetings


I called the lawyer right away, my body was shaking, but my brain still was working.
After I said, who I am, he only said:
There is no last will
and hang up!

I was sitting here, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but crying.
The next I remember was, that my youngest son stood beside me, calling his brother to come home from work right now.
He brought me to the doc, I got a pill to calm down and after the shaking was over, he brought me back home.

In the meantime my best friend was on her way to me, I don't know, who informed her, if it was me or one of my sons, it just doesn't matter.
She had sent me a message, that she's on her way to me and I answered, that I'm ok and after that I went into the bathroom.

What happened then was weird and that is, what I wanna tell you.

I found myself on the floor, I wasn't able to open my eyes, couldn't stand up and was waiting for someone to find me.
I felt the cold from the floor, my left arm was hurting from time to time, because I was laying on the hard cold floor.
And I was always listening, if I can hear the car from my friend, but nothing.

In the same time I was walking through a forest, it was a very dark forest, the trees were very huge and sky high and there was so much snow.
I saw footsteps in the snow and followed them and from time to time I saw a mans silhouette surrounded with a wonderful light, a color I've never seen before. I was able to see a beautiful green and yellow in this color, but then again, I can't explain, cause a color like this just don't exist.
I followed the steps and came to a dry river bed, big rocks laying around and I followed the dry river up a hill.
It was very steep and when I was on the top, I looked down into a canyon, wondering, where all the water was, cause I stood on top of a waterfall. A huge one, so high up in the mountain.
I turned around, tried to find the forest again, so I could follow the footsteps again, but wasn't able to.
And again and again I saw this beautiful light and the silhouette.
When I was at the foot of the mountain I finally was able to open my eyes and open the door to call my sons.

My oldest son helped me up and together with his brother he brought me downstairs into the living room.
He asked, how long I have been in the bathroom and I answered 5 to 10 minutes, and that I went to the bathroom after I sent the message to my friend.
So he took my phone, to check the time, looked at me with scared eyes and said: Mom, you have been there for 2 hours!

I know, that wasn't a dream and I also know, it wasn't because of the pill, I wasn't like under drugs or so, I was pretty clear in my head.
I was very aware about, that I was laying in the bathroom, the floor is cold enough to not forget that and it was very uncomfortable to lay there.
Still I don't know, what kind of experience it was, since it was almost without any emotions, no fear or anything like this.

I need a break now, will write more later.


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