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A breakdown and a stupid decision

Well, this part is hard to write down, even harder than everything before.
I'm ashamed of what I did, but as I said, I wanna be honest, and I am.

It was March 2014 and I hadn't seen him since he left the house in January.
No problem at all, but also no phone call from him and this was killing me.
And then I had this feeling, it hit me so hard and I knew, the next time he will call me, he gonna break up with me.

Only some days later he called and it happened, he really broke up with me.
I rushed into a deep black hole, not able to deal with it.
I went crazy, started a bad fight with my sons, threw them out of the house and told them to never come back.
Sent a message to my very best friend here in Norway and asked her, to take care of my youngest son, since he wasn't 18 at that time.

After my sons had left the house I sat down, empty, totally empty in my mind and everything.
Feeling dead and wanted to end all of this.

I don't know, how long I was sitting there, but the door was opened and my sons and my best friend came in.
They all sat beside me, wrapping their arms around me and that broke the wall.
I cried and cried and cried, til there was no more tear to cry.

I'm not proud about it, I was so foolish, so stupid and egoistic.
My friend stood with me for some days, until she was sure, that I wouldn't do anything stupid.
And my sons were around me as well, all the time, taking care of me.

Well, it took some days before I really was back on track and I started to make plans.
It was in time for me to think about myself.
Time to stop waiting, time to go on.

And again everything turned a way around, I wasn't expecting at all.


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