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Here I am

Hello,

here you can see my beautiful stallion, my Angel
He was the reason, why I started a homepage about Curly horses.
Now, a lot has changed and I will write down this history.
The reason, why I deleted the whole page for this blog.



It's a history about love and lost, about good and bad people and all what happened to this day, I started this blog.
Of course I also will tell about all new things, time after time.


Worldwide stupidity

I wish, someone could explain, why so many humans are so obedient.
The government says something and most are following without ever doubting a thing.

I said today: We asked so many times, how all could happen under H. and the second world war.
Well, look around, how obedient the people are now, because of a virus, no one ever has seen, a virus with a missing proof!
The people keep distance, in many countries they are wearing masks, with a high healthy risk.
Children are suffering and dying, but still no scream and everyone is following, what the corrupt government is telling them.
Everything gets down, so much is destroyed and what are the people doing?
Nothing!
Some go for a demonstration lol so what, do they think, this would change anything?

I don't see any hope for the humans anymore :-(

How long is too long?

I'm wasting my time with waiting!
Waiting for a simple mail, waiting for some kind words.
20 days today and all the old wounds are itching again.
I was hurt so bad, and I cried ways too many tears, couldn't understand and never got an answer.
Even worse, the feeling that I got fooled, that I was only used and nothing more :-(
We found each other again after over 15 years and I was so happy.
I asked all, what I wanted to know back then and she said, she couldn't remember a thing.
Weird enough, but I accepted it, happy to have her back in my life.

I was thinking back and forth, again and again, if I should write a mail, telling her, how I'm feeling and how bad she hurt me again.
But I won't!
Time to let go! Definitively!

Farewell

Never say never, cause never never works

Well, in my case it's different.

These moments, when you know, that your biggest wish never will come true.
This stupid hope, he could stand in the door one day ... and then? Nothing more than shattered glass, broken into thousand pieces.

I've been alone now for too many years, a stupid believer, hold up by his words: I'm back home ... soon.
This soon never came and he closed the door permanently.



If dead or alive, he is gone.
And even if he is alive, I know, he is ways too cowardly to ever come back.
Like he was in the last years, afraid to show up and I never found out why.
Such a coward!

Really?

I said, I will come back and tell more about my new home.

Well, it seems, that I found a good place, but there is one thing, I'm not so happy about.
Dogs!
I mean dogs, can you imagine?
Ok, I wanna be fair, the old one is nice, kind and so careful. But the younger one, she is fast like a canon ball and always in a hurry. Good thing is, she is more afraid of me, than I ever could be about her.

And there are other cats, one came to say hello to me, her name is Silver. She said, she don't like to stay in closed rooms and told me about Ayla, that she will never come in, even not to say hello.
After she told me about her children, who are also not around, but walking around in the woods and on the fields, she left.

My human is searching for one more cat, a young one, my age, so I have someone to play with :-)

Here is so much to play with, but my human isn't always happy about it.
Today I played with one of the plants, so much fun, but when my human came back and she saw what I did, she only said disappointed: Amber, really?
And then she brought in this monster, it's loud and it's always so hungry. It ate all the dirt I placed on the sofa and the floor.
Such a shame, it was o much work for me to place it there and now it's gone :-(

Renovation

It was in time to do something in the house.
And I'm almost done with 3 rooms. One with new wall papers, that was the worst.
But somehow I have the feeling it's in need to get my own little part in this house, just in case, another woman could move in :-)

I haven't met her yet, but my oldest son seems to get serious :-)
Oh how I wish, she will be the right one this time and not only after money and the farm.
Not like this other bitch (sorry, but there isn't any other word for her), cause she only saw the farm and money.

Well, and if he is lucky this time and she would move in here, I really have to go out of their way.
Doesn't matter if we go along very well, they will need their own space, their own place, without me all the time.
I have my rooms and the kitchen and bath and maybe, don't know how yet, there will be a possibility to build some stairs outside, so they really have the rest of the house for them selves :-)

I'm open for surprises and hoping for the best :-)

My point of view

Hello :-)

I'm Amber, the new member of this family.
Yesterday was a very exciting day and also scary somehow.
First I was put in a box and before I even knew, I was alone, my mother and siblings didn't come with.
A lot of other smells and noises, and all in a sudden someone took me out from the box, only to put me in another one.
And then the human took me with into a bigger box and that was so loud. Not only that, it started to move and I was so scared.
My meow made the human opening the box and she took me out and into her arms. There was another human beside her, holding his hands on something round and only looking outside the huge glass in front of me.
It took so long time in this huge box but then the noise stopped and the box as well. And again I was placed in the small box.
Not happy, I'm telling you, I was not happy.
And so many new smells, better ones this time, I smelled animals and grass and a lot I don't know, but it smelled oh so good.

I couldn't see a lot, but the humans opened a door and we were in a house, at least one thing I know.
My box was opened again and I was allowed to come out.
A room with these soft things humans like to sit on and so much more, toys for me alone to play with and the thing I was able to climb up.
Food for me alone and a litter, not used by any other cat.
Now, I liked that a lot and after a while I found myself a place to lay down and sleep.

But so much was waiting for me to happen and I will tell about it another time.

Disgusting

When you go into the chicken house and know immediately that something is wrong yak
The smell was so awful and I had to shoo the hen from her nest. One of the eggs wasn't only rotten, it was exploded.
Really, you don't even wanna imagine that smell.

I cleaned out all and everything and took away every hiding place a hen would use to lay her eggs.
It really makes me wonder, why this one hen was so eager to stay on the eggs, she must have known, that they are dead.

Well, time to prepare the room for the winter, soon October and who knows, how the weather will be.

Amber

Yesterday we got a new family member :-)

Amber, a mix between a norwegian and a sibirian forest cat, born on the 20th of June.



Wonderful thing is, that Silver came back yesterday late evening, so Amber will have someone to play with :-)
I wonder, how Ayla will react and hope, she will welcome Amber here.

Time to build a cat garden, so Amber can go out and be safe in the same time.

I couldn't care less

That's the message I read when I don't get any response at all.
>>I couldn't care less.<<

And I can't even tell, how much it hurts!

It's so sad and I don't understand, even more, I don't want do understand.

What's the excuse?
No time?
Too much stress?
Forgot about it?

Well, it would had taken 2 minutes to send a short message, just 2 minutes.
2 ridiculous minutes!

I couldn't care less!



A very sad day

Our beloved cat Lovely went over the rainbow bridge.
I was with her all the time, not able to leave her alone.
We buried her beside the trees, close to a rose, where she can rest in peace.

Lovely
For ever in our hearts ♥

She followed her given name all her life, Belief in Life, and she used all 7 life a cat is given.



Too many thoughts, too little sleep

If there is something I really wish, then it's a real good night sleep again.
But thoughts going through, more up and down than a roller coaster. And not a single important one.
Cause honestly, I'm scared of the important thoughts.
I'm trying to avoid the sadness, the grief, the emptiness inside me.
I'm afraid that I can't stop crying if I let it happen.

Just like Cher sang: If I could turn back time ...
knowing, what I know now, or at least, if the story is true they are telling me, I would do anything in my power to change the future!

Damn I miss him so much :-(

The last chicken

Today I sold the last 6 chicken for this year.
And the first time since months it's quiet in the house, the breeding machine is off, the steady hum is over and that's so good.
No more peep, nothing but silence, it's just wonderful.
There are still 4 hens outside, sitting on their eggs, but I think I can take them soon away, even if, it's getting too cold for the hatchlings outside.

Now it's in time to prepare all for the winter time and a lot of trees and bushes have to go into big buckets, all those, I wanna take with when we move.
Anyway, I have to buy a lot of trees again, cause most of those I planted here are already too big, impossible to take them out.

Today we were in Larvik, my sons surprised me with a nice dinner at an italian restaurant :-)
Sitting together, making plans for next year, I know we can make it.
My sons are the best ones in the whole world :-)

Tears

I'm trying to distract myself, working like a maniac, just to have my mind busy.
But the tears are sitting too close and I really have to get myself together, that I don't cry all the time.

It's a joy to see Stella running over the meadow and in the same moment it is killing me to know, that Precious and Stella have to go as well.
Not being able to see the little filly growing up, not being able to protect her and Precious from all poison, it's so damned hard.

Cleaning everything on the farm, preparing for the day we gonna sell it and move away.
And knowing, all this could have been avoided, if my Love would had taken care about some serious issues!
But nope, his boat, the paragliding, the alcohol, other women, traveling around the world, all this was so much more important than I.
I will never forget the last phone call, his soft words, his "I love you".
Really?
And then leaving me alone without anything!

I've been fooled, big times!

Bye bye Aurora

Aurora left the farm and I'm still sure, that she found the perfect place.
Her new owner, calm as can be, brought her in the trailer and it was a joy to see, that all worked out without any problems.
Yes, she is the right one for Aurora, no doubt about!

And I have to say Thank You! to many of you.
Thanks for trying to give me hope, thanks for sending all the good wishes, thanks for showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And one more time sorry N. that I thought you could have been one of the people, being against me.
(Now there is only one left on my list, well, for sure I will never see her again!)

I know, you all have the best intentions and I know, that you all really mean, what you're saying.

Still, my decision is made, if there isn't any miracle taking place in the next few months, I gonna sell this farm.
I found my home here, after moving again and again all my life long, I really thought, I can stay here for ever.
Seems I was pretty much wrong about it.
But hey, next summer it's been 8 years, that my sons and I moved in.
8 years, the longest time ever I was living at one place.

Let's find out, what the future will bring to me.